He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize