Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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