Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
