Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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