worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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