Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
