she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
