hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
