Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
