I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
