if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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