I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
