So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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