Heybabeimwearingurpanties
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
