problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize