i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
