shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
