soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
