so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
