Only a mothe r could love this liver
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
