Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
