I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
