I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
