either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize