Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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