I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
only you would photoshop your dick
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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