Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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