Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
We had sex on a dog bed..
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
