i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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