Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
