Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
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