theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
