I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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