I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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