I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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