her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
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