Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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