I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
