i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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