I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize