Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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