Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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