I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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