i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
