help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
