I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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