I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
