Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
