We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
false alarm, still single
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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