i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize