i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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