so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
