pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize