apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
