If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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