i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
