The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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