babies were throwing up all over the place
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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