Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
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