I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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