I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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