just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
