I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
