Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize