What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
