Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
