If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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