She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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