I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
How does one acquire holy water?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
