Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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