Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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