This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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